Our breakfast hour recently found us sitting together as a family, discussing things we needed to work on, ways we could better respect each other and keep the general peace. (Yes ---this is real life. We most certainly have our issues. :-) ) The conversation was particularly focused on the category of responses. How do I act when someone questions my statements, disturbs my peace/personal space, or disagrees with me? And what do I do when I see other siblings involved in a disagreement? Allyson came up with a humorous, but brilliant method of examining her own responses to situations by classifying all of her reactions into one of three categories. The idea was so creative and helpful to me that I decided to share it with you. Regardless of the person, time of day, place, etc. we all are faced with a decision: How do we react when we are involved in a clash or when we are witnessing one? While especially evident in a large family where we spend the entirety of our days together, the need to think critically about our response to annoyances can be applied to any life.
And so, on to Allyson's method: Do you respond as an Alpha Dog, a Vigilante, or Elsa?
Alpha Dog
"You see, my first option is to take charge and pretend like I'm the Alpha Dog."
^^This is my personal nemesis. I prefer being the Alpha Dog, and will willingly correct or intervene to insert my own opinion. But as my parents were reminding each of us, in a family, you can only have two Alpha Dogs (Dad and Mom of course). When every child places themselves in the position of authority over other siblings, it only confuses matters, and certainly does not help build relationships or respect towards parents. I see many areas outside of the home though where the Alpha Dog response is indeed a nemesis. In the work world, you generally have a boss who is responsible for instructions and planning. In simple things such as a game, only one set of rules can be adopted for play. At a volunteer project, only one person can dictate the tasks or it won't run smoothly. And if too many folks try to plan the details of an event....it's a grand mess. There are times where we are called to be a leader (although as I learned this summer at camp often times the first job of a leader is to be a servant and act in humility). Sometimes I, as the oldest child, have valuable information and instruction for my younger siblings or friends. But my first response should not be to assume that it is one of those occasions. Barking out orders and taking charge of the situation is not a helpful intervention. Moving away from family affairs, it also takes away the opportunity for others to grow their leadership skills or add their opinion.
I'm reminded of James 1 which teaches that we are to be quick to listen, but slow to speak.
Vigilante
"Then my second option when I see someone being wronged is to become a Vigilante: a self appointed doer of justice."
^^ Oh goodness. How many times do I walk past a petty conversation that does not involve me whatsoever and promptly stick in my two cents worth? This response really focuses on - "is it my business/job"? My parents, and ultimately (as I grow older) God is the "Alpha Dog" in my life, and I should trust them to handle the instruction of others. While Hebrews teaches us to spur one another on towards love and good deeds, that is a far cry from punishing the "offender" ourselves to "rescue" another. After all, it is rather pointless to solve one crime while committing another.
Elsa
"And I don't really agree with her theology, but she has it right when she tells us to just "Let It Go"."
^^Ha-ha. Yes. Regardless of the scenario, whether we are witnessing or actually involved in an offense, our response should be to "Let It Go!". I find in my own life that whenever I involve myself in others' situations, I always leave tired and thinking "wow that was a waste of energy". But oftentimes I also allow things to annoy me that shouldn't. Does it really matter that someone borrowed my calculator or post-it notes again? I am after all blessed with such items by my parents, they're not really mine and definitely not worth making a fuss over. Is God pleased when I loudly announce to the school room what is aggravating me about a particular sibling (families are wonderful sandpaper for one's character)? Of course not. Many incidents that cause disruption and frustration could be avoided if we simply adopted the theme principle of Disney's ice-princess. My goal is to let more things go, to forgive readily, to remain silent when its not my position to intervene, and also, when I am the problem, to willingly admit it.
......
It was a new and different way to consider my responses. Allyson and I both profit from mental images that urge us towards the right. While it may seem like the Alpha Dog is respected, and the Vigilante is oh so cool for sweeping in with a cry of justice.......I don't know....neither of them have ice castles. :-)
Titus 3: 1-2 "Remind them to be subject to rulers and authorities, to obey, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men."
And so, on to Allyson's method: Do you respond as an Alpha Dog, a Vigilante, or Elsa?
Alpha Dog
"You see, my first option is to take charge and pretend like I'm the Alpha Dog."
^^This is my personal nemesis. I prefer being the Alpha Dog, and will willingly correct or intervene to insert my own opinion. But as my parents were reminding each of us, in a family, you can only have two Alpha Dogs (Dad and Mom of course). When every child places themselves in the position of authority over other siblings, it only confuses matters, and certainly does not help build relationships or respect towards parents. I see many areas outside of the home though where the Alpha Dog response is indeed a nemesis. In the work world, you generally have a boss who is responsible for instructions and planning. In simple things such as a game, only one set of rules can be adopted for play. At a volunteer project, only one person can dictate the tasks or it won't run smoothly. And if too many folks try to plan the details of an event....it's a grand mess. There are times where we are called to be a leader (although as I learned this summer at camp often times the first job of a leader is to be a servant and act in humility). Sometimes I, as the oldest child, have valuable information and instruction for my younger siblings or friends. But my first response should not be to assume that it is one of those occasions. Barking out orders and taking charge of the situation is not a helpful intervention. Moving away from family affairs, it also takes away the opportunity for others to grow their leadership skills or add their opinion.
I'm reminded of James 1 which teaches that we are to be quick to listen, but slow to speak.
Vigilante
"Then my second option when I see someone being wronged is to become a Vigilante: a self appointed doer of justice."
^^ Oh goodness. How many times do I walk past a petty conversation that does not involve me whatsoever and promptly stick in my two cents worth? This response really focuses on - "is it my business/job"? My parents, and ultimately (as I grow older) God is the "Alpha Dog" in my life, and I should trust them to handle the instruction of others. While Hebrews teaches us to spur one another on towards love and good deeds, that is a far cry from punishing the "offender" ourselves to "rescue" another. After all, it is rather pointless to solve one crime while committing another.
Elsa
"And I don't really agree with her theology, but she has it right when she tells us to just "Let It Go"."
^^Ha-ha. Yes. Regardless of the scenario, whether we are witnessing or actually involved in an offense, our response should be to "Let It Go!". I find in my own life that whenever I involve myself in others' situations, I always leave tired and thinking "wow that was a waste of energy". But oftentimes I also allow things to annoy me that shouldn't. Does it really matter that someone borrowed my calculator or post-it notes again? I am after all blessed with such items by my parents, they're not really mine and definitely not worth making a fuss over. Is God pleased when I loudly announce to the school room what is aggravating me about a particular sibling (families are wonderful sandpaper for one's character)? Of course not. Many incidents that cause disruption and frustration could be avoided if we simply adopted the theme principle of Disney's ice-princess. My goal is to let more things go, to forgive readily, to remain silent when its not my position to intervene, and also, when I am the problem, to willingly admit it.
......
It was a new and different way to consider my responses. Allyson and I both profit from mental images that urge us towards the right. While it may seem like the Alpha Dog is respected, and the Vigilante is oh so cool for sweeping in with a cry of justice.......I don't know....neither of them have ice castles. :-)
Titus 3: 1-2 "Remind them to be subject to rulers and authorities, to obey, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men."